Blah blah blah I’m fat blah blah PMS blah blah chocolate blah *sob* blah

by Eman

this is me

Well, ahem, I think we can pretty much agree on the fact that I fail as a blogger. I’ve tried to come up with reasons why and the only thing I could think of was my lack of self-indulgence. This is odd  because I am, at my best, a very self-indulgent person. Based on this conclusion I will change my style of blogging. Instead of making this a serious, inspirational and intelligent blog I will convert it into a journal of rants and sobs. I should have probably done that from the beginning since I am neither serious nor inspirational. I am a bit intelligent though.
There I go with the self-indulgence! This is going to work perfectly!
It has been about two weeks since my summer holidays began and I’m eating like a pig already. Well, maybe not a pig since even pigs stop eating for a while to poo and go about their piggy lives eating bacon with their piggy wives (see what I did there?). I’m eating like a tapeworm, or a ravenous bacterium. I bet if I didn’t find any food in front of me I’d start eating my own flesh, it’s the type of thing I’m likely to do (so if you see me walking around missing an arm or a leg it just means my mother forgot to go to the supermarket). And it’s horrible! I can’t stop myself! I just lost a ton of weight over the past few months, around 4kgs! I went from weighing 50-51kg to 46-47kg! For the first time since I remember my thighs don’t touch when I walk! AND NOW IT’S ALL GOING AWAY *sob*
I am such a hypocrite, I really am, I’m a little hippocritter (a distant cousin of the hippogriff that claims to have qualities that are inconsistent with its actions). I make fun of girls who sob about their weight and call them snobby bitches, but there you go.
Then again, unlike those snobby bitches (oops) I don’t deny myself the culinary pleasures of life. I’m groaning about eating like a ravenous bacterium but it’s not like I’ll stop, as soon as I publish this I’ll get myself a slab of cheese and a baguette and indulge in a post-lunch pre-tea snack. In an hour I’ll drink coffee and have a muffin or scones or something. Life is good when food is good.
Oh now I’m famished. I think we have those olives that I like…