MALAYSIA: DAY IV

by Eman

Today was the day of our road trip to Johor Bahru, a four hour drive from Kuala Lumpur. Normally I don’t mind road trips, especially abroad. There are all types of things to see and the rest stops are always full of interesting people. As for the actual time spent in the car, I had a hard drive full of unwatched movies and shows that was begging for my attention. It should have been great, it should have been a wonderful time and it would have been… if not for HIM:

Our driver, Mohamed, is a very pleasant man and I have no qualms against him as a human being. However, watch this video closely and you will see that he is

FALLING ASLEEP AT THE WHEEL!!

My toes were clenched for the entire trip, I kept imagining us swerving into the next lane (which almost happened a few times actually), crashing into a gas truck and exploding in a fiery ball of death.

I’m sorry but I do not want to die like that. I’ve always fantasized about having an epic ending that would change the course of history.

I had to keep talking to him about the most menial things, like Malaysian football (as if that exists) just to keep him awake and alert. He kept turning towards me in the backseat to answer my questions and in my head I was shouting “EYES ON THE ROAD YOU DBASUOGHCAO!!!!” Everyone else was so calm, they had all surrendered their fate to the fiery ball of death, it was because of my engaging conversation that we are all still alive today. I think I can safely call myself a hero from now on.

Hero Eman.

E-Man, Hero.

It has a nice ring to it. E is the fifth letter of the alphabet, and the number 5 represents the human form. It’s a very humble name for a superhero. And that is what I am: humble E-Man, hero.

So, as I was saying, I was so tense during the drive I couldn’t gape at the breathtaking forest that was slowly reclaiming the road we were driving on. I did notice the gorgeous sprawling villas (were they villas? I’m not sure) attached to huge plantations. It was like something out of a colonial era novel. I also managed to calm down at some point (when we were driving less than 80 km/h) and read about ancient Mesopotamia on which I have a midterm on the 30th.

We finally stopped at a rest stop two hours into the trip. Mohamed went off for his coffee (which wasn’t enough to keep him awake for the rest of the trip, I still had to glare at him from the rearview mirror and make sure both eyes were open), while we looked around the stop. This is what I like about these kinds of places, they’re always so strange:

You can tell a lot from the cars. You have truckers, army officers (in that green car in the middle), a family minivan, a corporate sedan…

There were fruit and vegetable stands selling weird fruit like durian, dragon fruit and whatever the hell that hedgehog thing is. There were also cafes that sold real food like you eat at home, like fish saloona (stew) with the head and everything! I oped for corn, which reminded me of Noora – my corn amiga.

Another hour of lip biting and fist clenching and we were at our resort. I stepped out of the car and almost kissed the ground and swore off cars for life!

Our resort is magnificent! It looked like a scene out of A Passage to India! It is huge and has these decorative paneling with carvings of local birds and mammals. It overlooks a gorgeous golf court, and even though I find golf to be the most ridiculous excuse for a sport the human race has ever developed, the courses are undeniably divine. Our suite overlooks the pool, so all we have to do is take one step out of the balcony and voila! tropical heaven! It is perfect pool weather as well! I took a few picture before my camera started complaining of a low battery and I remembered that I had brilliantly forgot to pack a charger.

I have to wake up early tomorrow to visit UTM (Technical University of Malaysia) to carry bags and look nice.

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