The Misadventure of Eman: The Sequel

by Eman

Did a lot of things this morning. I watched an ant crawl on the window. It had wings that looked like a fly’s but were more oval. I don’t think it was very happy because it kept stopping every few seconds to sigh and contemplate its life. I also found a bracelet on the floor and gave it to the security people. That’s my good deed done for the day, now I don’t have to feel bad when I’m a bitch to everyone!

I just realized my lipstick makes me look like a harlot. I’m not sure whether that’s a good thing or not. At least it might stop people from asking me for directions.

Last night my piercing turned into a beast that consumed my ear, now I have a crusty thing on my earlobe that might make people think I have a rare Malian disease. Another good preventative maneuver on my part.

There’s a girl sitting opposite me with eyebrows that are so big and bushy I bet she has to shampoo them. I wonder if I should tell her to consider conditioning them as well, as they look well in need of some frizz control.

This girl next to me just had a baby and has taken it upon herself to describe, in harrowingly vivid detail, the trials of her parturition to her friend. I don’t want to eavesdrop, but I can’t help it. It’s so disgusting, it pulls me in – like Jersey Shore.

Will update.

Update 1: a girl in my culture and politics lecture called politicians “politic people”. She’s a senior, but I think the silicone killed her brain cells.

Update 2: I experienced evil in the form of cucumbers in my tuna sandwich. Now I’m trying to wrap my mind around the possibility that I might graduate by Spring, a terrifying prospect. My professor told me that the feeling you get after graduating is the same as the feeling of miscarriage. Looking forward to that.