by Eman

It’s almost midnight, I’m studying for a midterm I have tomorrow, and all I can think about is how I’m going to manage 50 minutes of finance tomorrow morning. I can’t. My muscles contract at the very notion.
Finance is the worst thing in the world. It’s brain cell genocide. It’s shallow and callous and meaningless. I bet we could program a computer to write up balance sheets and do ratio things instead of doing them ourselves like Ancient Egyptian slaves. If we did, it would free our minds to think of important things like our place in this world, the paths to eternal happiness and our collective identities.
I wish I could forgo finance and sit in a tent somewhere in albadiya with a cup of gahwa (or an espresso) and write a poem about our mortality. Or just sit at home and watch Antiques Roadshow and eat labnah with crackers and grape juice. Why can’t I do that and be happy? How is knowing how to balance some company’s finances going to help me become a better politician? How will this make me a better human being?
I hate it, I hate it, I hate it.
Finance is haram anyway. I’m going to protest this course as a violation of Islamic creed. It teaches us lust for wealth which is ungodly and crude. If the Prophet, peace be upon him, were alive today would he approve of this wicked pursuit? I THINK NOT! RISE WITH ME AND LET US SHOUT NAY! NAY TO FINANCE AND THE VILE INDOCTRINATION OF OUR YOUTH! NAY! NAY! NAY!

Also, a lot of people are asking me why I’m so happy these days. ما يعجبكم العجب ولا الصيام في رجب، لين قعدت في زاوية و مديت بوزي لين مكة زعلتو و لين شقيت حلجي نفس السمكة الثعبانية اللي معا ارسولا (اللي في ذا ليتل ميرميد) ما عجبكم! بخ عليكم!