Yetis Worship Satan

by Eman

The most exciting thing that happened to me this week is that I bought a new toothbrush. The bristles are neon yellow, which makes it cool like my teeth are at a rave.

I’ve been daydreaming more than usual, mostly about unnatural creatures. This entire week I’ve been thinking about man-dogs, translucent sea beings, two-legged spiders, and things with faces on their feet. I really want to see one of those creatures in real life, call me a nutter but I do think they exist. I refuse to believe that the world is limited to zebroids and ligers. Why is it irrational for there to be extraterrestrial creatures that look like cysts and have the intelligence of a Disney park employee? Why can’t there be a population of yetis living in the Himalayas and facing increasing unemployment as a result of overpopulation caused by decades of favorable soil conditions as well as advancements in irrigation and the abolishment of capital punishment? It makes sense to me. I think all these creatures are just biding their time until someone nukes someone and humans become extinct. Then they shall rise up, absorb the nuclear waste through their butt gills and rebuild the earth as a monument to Satan. Or something.

Yeah, so about the toothbrush. It’s really cool and it vibrates and all. Hehe.