First Week Grievances

by Eman


I am very good at being annoyed, I could do it professionally. The first week of university always revs up my annoyed engines and transforms me into a right Karl Pilkington. There are pools and pools of things that can irritate me, and the part of my brain responsible for being annoyed goes into a week long orgy of exasperation. This is a list of the top six things that annoy me during the first week of university, let us bond and be annoyed together:

  1. People who walk too slowly. Admittedly these people plague the hallways throughout the semester, but they are always more pervasive during the first week. They will stop in the middle of the staircase to greet their friends, they will dawdle by the entrances creating a fire hazard, and they will saunter in packs, as buffalo, leaving me to attempt to maneuver my way through whatever slim crevices they allow. They make wish I had invested in a pair of steel toed boots.
  2. Professors who read through the syllabus verbatim. They will display the syllabus up on the projector screen and spend the entire lecture time reading it. The thing is, I do not give even the smallest of fucks about your anticipated course outcomes. I am taking this course because I am forced to, I have no care for the inner workings of international business. My mind freezes up when I hear the word investment. I am here to get an A and graduate, so let us not pretend that I will achieve any of your learning outcomes and get this crapfest started.
  3. Girls who dress in ridiculously gaudy outfits and complain that everyone talks about them behind their back. Sweetie, honey, habeebti, if you are wearing an abaya that weighs as much as I do, a clutch that orphaned a crocodile, and Lady Gaga’s bedroom slippers, I will gossip about you. You have put yourself on display in a manner  that begs for attention, so do not act perturbed when I snicker at your ill choice of attire. You look like a Columbian prostitute. And lay off the purple lipstick, it’s over 40º outside and you look like you’ve contracted the bubonic plague.
  4. People who want to sit next to me even though I deliberately placed my bag on the seat to save it for a friend. If you think you’re going to embarrass me into letting you sit there, you’re in for a sour conversation.
  5. People who save seats for their friends. Really? Is this the fifth grade طابور?
  6. People who linger outside the classroom as you’re leaving and ask everyone if they’re going to drop the course. This hasn’t happened to me this semester, but in the past I’ve had girls try to manipulate me into dropping a course just so they can get in.

As much as I grumble I know I will miss being able to complain about such trivial things when I graduate.